Its all very good trying to talk to a girl about midi and digital audio....but I'm so into it ...if i'm not careful I waffle all night.... no girls are really interested(i've met)...

Its like a whole world going on for me...my music bubble...no one understands.. If i have to pick between making music or a women...I'd pick the latter....but if i was in love with a women I'd choose her over musicmaking....this is why i'm abit scared of relationships. Right now i'm single, I shave only once a week, study massively, eat fast food, drink beer, smoke alot, ...and I'm making some of the best music of my life.. so I'm happy

I try and not get serious with relationships, not until I have sorted out all my musical /tech problems... and get a completely confortable and productive enviroment to make the music that I need too, easily and quicky.

I guess I'm lucky because I'm young, I was born into the digtal(80's) age, I didnt like the old ways of making music... Technology has luckily moved on perfectly with my age to fuel my obsession.

but life experience improves your music...it makes you hungry to produce and women are too good to live without..... so if you have put up with somes moaning..just do it...she'll be praising you when she's got 5 sports cars and swimming pool when you hit it big with your tunes and beats ;)

Alot of people are technologically ****ed....its not just women.

whats the deal?why cant i spend the weekend in the studio?

Well this might be a little tricky to share, but I'm going forward as if this were an honest request for advice. As having been married for seven years, twice on the brink of divorce, but having worked things out (thankfully), here's my advice...

Make it a non-negotiable part of who you are. I mean, when the timing's right, have a serious sit down discussion and let her know, tenderly and with compassion, yet with strength and conviction, that it's not up for debate, discussion or alteration. It's part of the deal if she wants a life with you.

Women love and appreciate true strength and conviction in a man, even if they appear to not as their first reaction. Once she respects how you feel about it, then it won't be such a big deal - she might even want to help.

But be prepared to hear her "part of the deal" as well. The only reason she wouldn't be able to recognize the joy this brings to you, and want to support that, is because she too has a part of her life where she feels exactly the same way that you do - that it's not appreciated and respected by you. So just be ready to hear her side after you've shared yours - plan on it. Don't sit her down for the talk until your in a good space to listen as well. Could make all the difference...

i still find time... to go for a romantic meal at the local restaurant... i'll buy her a nice wine to go with the meal... i bought her alovely new dress for our 12th anniversary the other day...

Ah yes... however, it's not so much about a financial exchange per se, as it is a "quality of time" exchange. Don't even consider the monetary aspect - it won't do any good. What a wife wants is to feel like she's a wanted part of your life on every level, and that you actually want to spend quality time with her - that it's not a burden for you to be with her and away from the studio.

This means going out of one's way to spend time with her, doing things that she loves and enjoys, and making conversation where her needs are the center of attention. No studio talk, no band talk... nothing to do with you at all. And definitely don't ever let on that it's "going out of your way" or it will all backfire - she needs to truly feel that you want to be with her, for no other reason then that you want to. If there's a competition for time and money between the wife/family and the studio, I'd bet big money that it has to do with her feeling like you'd rather be in the studio than spend time with her. The goal should be to stop her from feeling this way.

Trust me, this is a big one.

i also made a point of grizzling and groaning all the way home about the $140 it cost(failed to mention about the 2 new mic's i quickly stuffed under the back seat as she made her way to the car from the shop.)after a lovely meal to celebrate said anniversary(indian takeaway this time....)imagine my surprise at getting 'the look' when i casually mentioned the need to tidy up a drum trac before the morning!!

Well... hehe... this definitely doesn't help. Complaining about the cost of her anniversary present, ordering Indian takeout for dinner, and then informing her that you've got drum tracks to finish before the morning - and this on your 12th anniversary?!?

Dude, what were you thinking? Of all times, the anniversary is the absolute best time to score big points with the wife with the least amount of effort - just make the effort to give her that time, and give her your undivided attention. It's not really that difficult to do... if you really want to. Now if you don't want to, then that's another issue altogether, which probably needs the assitance of a marriage counselor rather than a bunch of guys on the Sonar forum...

So my advice, besides being clear with her about how important this is to you, is to stop thinking about the financial exchange and the money being invested in the studio, and turn your focus toward two things: 1) quality (not quantity) of time and attention given to her; and 2) making her feel like you want her in your life. If she truly feels and recognizes these two elements as being healthy, then you may be surprised to discover that the "wife vs. studio" competition disappears altogether, and that she actually wants to encourage it because it makes you happy.

It's not about the price tag - it's about feeling wanted.

And oh yeah... it never hurts to bring in some serious dough on the music, from time to time. That helps a lot, for sure. But it's not as important as the above issues.

Good luck!

Hi Jeff-

Wish I hadn't. Never mind.

Thank you for chiming in.

I didn't really mean that! I am glad I chimed in, I guess. That was kinduvan off-putting reply, and I didn't mean it to sound like that. I was just a little annoyed but some stuff I read subsequently. Sorry!

-Susan

Hi Val-

Yes, you're obviously young. You can expect to meet lots of girls/women who know about MIDI and digital audio. If you have to "pick between making music or a women" you might want to think(!) first, for just a minute.

Oh, I give up on this thread! It started out silly, and has just degenerated into total absurdity!

-Susan

ORIGINAL: Susan G

Hi Jeff-

I wonder how the studio women in here would respond?

I didn't even want to at first, but I got sucked in somehow:
............

-Susan

Hi Susan.

Very nice post and Well Said. <tip of hat>

Don't despair the varying levels of posts - it happens everywhere. Just celebrate who you are and the fact that there are MANY enlightened men on this forum.

I can't complain (and I don't *think* Lee would), since we're both into making music. It's a grand thing that we share this passion.

Sorry, I could resist typing the following:

If this is a problem with women only, then it is safe to assume gay couples don't have this problem . Men who think that women don't understand their needs may needs might be better off with other men. Then my chances of finding a good single woman would increase.

[Edit: The point above means that there aren't gender specific issues aside from physiological differences between men and women.]

Seriously, I don't think that misunderstanding/miscommunication is something monopolized by spouses/significant others. People in general are all different and some are more honest with themselves and more honest with others.

Just joining the fun with you all,
Erik

Hi Steve-

Yes, I absolutely know that, but thanks for reminding me!

ORIGINAL: SteveJL
Hi Susan.

Very nice post and Well Said. <tip of hat>

Don't despair the varying levels of posts - it happens everywhere. Just celebrate who you are and the fact that there are MANY enlightened men on this forum.

- Susan

man ,what have i done!my post was concocted as a bit of light-hearted relief to spread a bit of humour .some of the replys have been down right nasty,lighten up dudes.

hey ona,thanks for chipping in,nice to get a female perspective on this.hey you look not too shabby,maybe one day if things dont work out in our respective relationships we could hook up for a jam,,tee hee, just joshing.all the best,antz

..... And don't ever get involved with a musician.

I'm one of the lucky ones, we used to be in a rock band together. she played bass.
She's 43 now and still watches more metal mania than I can.
Studio time? - Well I'm home.

Plus she gets to play "Play it or Slay it" with every new suck riff I come up with.


:Bit

Men are goal oriented thinkers, whereas women are emotion and network based thinkers. There's definately a difference there. As far as jealousy, In my experience men are usually the more jealous of the sexes.

As far as the whining about having a woman who doesn't appreciate your art, stop it already. I would NEVER want a woman who is into the same music as me, or into playing. Would you really want to fight over cd's? What if you couldn't spend that weekend in the studio because your wife was already in there? C'mon. Maybe you should practice moderation, and make it a point to step out of the control room every hour or so to remember who the main inspiration in your life truly is.

See ladies? Not all guys think the same! Now go make me a sandwich. :)

Well said Susan!
My wife and I have a deal- we'll both help each other fulfill as many of our dreams as we can, as we only have one life (we're thinking of becoming Buddhists to extend that a bit though..)
For instance, when I met Kath she was a waitress. Nothing wrong with that- she made great money, but she wanted to work in an office. I said-Fine- you go back to College and get your degree, and I'll gig at night to supplement my studio wages. So for 4 years we struggled by and now she's a Lawl clerk- a paralegal I believe you call them in the States. She now earns much more than me and is very happy.
I was tired of working in other peoples studios and wanted my own one. I Also wanted us to move back home to Ireland from England. A few years ago she said the same thing to me- Go for it, invest, bring the clients with you (if you can) and I'll supplement us. I still gig 4-5 nights a week, but now I do it for pleasure as much as for cash. The studio is growing nicely as is my client base and rep.
Ah-happiness!!!
"They" do understand. Just be sure it's not all me,me,me. It should be us,us,us.

I can't complain (and I don't *think* Lee would), since we're both into making music. It's a grand thing that we share this passion.

How lucky am I? ;-) The only complaining I get about studio time is "I think we should re-record that guitar to shorten the bridge"!

Sorry....now I'm just bragging.... ;-)

Bottom Line: it's all about "Mutual Respect".

If you don't have it, you have trouble, and that means a partner who complains about your "me time", and guys on a forum complaining about their partners, et al.

If you do have it, you're both happy.

Glad I could help. Now let's get back to making some kick-@#! music!