why dont wives understand

Post this in the Coffeehouse forum, and you'll receive lots of thoughts on the subject.

Heh... my last GF would follow me into the studio, sit in a chair behind me, and stare blankly at the screen as I would spend time doing a mix-session or something of that nature

yeah,aha ,i know that feeling!why dont they get as excited when you get that thresh just right on that vox take!!!!hey,seriously my post was never meant to be a 'negative',just a bit of a laugh for the fellow sufferer's.,i'm sure there are 'female' muso/producers too who might get a little bit if a giggle out of it!!Now wouldn't that be the perfect partner,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Hey everyone..

The truth is ... a woman can never be understood.... they do no think with their brains...they think with their emotions....
They would want you to stay home most of the times and look into their eyes but yet at the end of the month if you can't pay 'their' bills you WILL BE IN LOTS OF ARGUEMENT!
I've learnt to ignore her and get into the studio because I've got to take care of our son and her.....that's my reponsibility...The Bible says so....

I wondered if things would have been different if I had gotten married to a musician....

The point is WOMEN ARE JEALOUS over anyone or ANYTHING.... !!!

Man need cave time. Studio is cave to man.

The real trouble arise when you're not making money off of your music, but rather you're SPENDING lots of it.

My wife knew that music was important to me when she met me, so she's sort of understanding. She was the one who decided that my home studio should be placed in our living room - otherwise she feared that she wouldn't see me at all!

She doesn't REALLY understand why I have to spend so much time on music though, and she has REAL trouble understanding why the equipment I have now isn't good enough. Her argument is: "the music sounds good so there's no need for more equipment". Seems sensible on the surface, but we all know better!

Anton:

I've been married for 30 years and was playing music for 12 years before that and she still doesn't understand!

Actually she is pretty understanding. She just recently thought that the SampleTank Group Buy thing was a good deal and that I should go ahead and get it! How's that for being a sweetheart?

I hole up here after work sometimes until 1 or 2 in the morning and she hasen't been too bad with it. Of course we work together during the day so she sees me then.

Paul

Harv--

You have 20 years on me (and I respect my elders), but I cannot subscribe to that set of beliefs. I'd be angrier than I already am. <g>

They are generally (not all of them, but generally speaking) jealous, spiteful, super emotional at times, and definately hateful of anything that is a threat to the amount of attention that you PAY to them.

My approach is this: marry a beautiful women, have a couple of kids, then act so annoying that your wife prays that you will stay in the studio.

I personally like to use lots of bad puns, questionable child-management techniques and a holier-than-thou attitude to get ejected out to the studio. Doing housework with power-tools works too :)

Eric

whats the deal?why cant i spend the weekend in the studio?

This was a funny and timely post; well done. I'm writing only to brag about a wife who not only doesn't complain, but also bought me several guitars of the years as presents (including a Taylor 6- and 12-string), and who has never said anything negative about my time-wasting habit, except when a song sounds trite (her term, as I recall <g>).

The only thing I can't get my wife to do (in the studio -- keep it clean boys) is work with me. As she puts it, her eyes simply glaze over when the techno-babble begins (ha ha) as I apparently get fired up about this need to create. Oh well, what's to complain about in the grand scheme of things?

For the rest of you, HA! And get this, she even renewed my Playboy subscription even though she was 9 months pregnant with our first kid when the renewal notice arrived. Now that's bragging rights. Too bad I let the subsription lapse when the first kid got older. I have to carefully plan the timing of my resubscription now (or wait 'til my oldest gets his own subscription -- that one's for you Val!).

Enough banter; back to work/play, everyone, and ignore any spousal comments unless they are positive.

Steve

One of the ironies I've always observed is that the thing that initially attracted them to you (the musician part) becomes what they despise

C'mon, folks. What's a good mixing session without being interrupted for a hug?
CAA

I too am one of the lucky ones. I have been married 13 years and my wife has always supported my music hobby. She even suprised me and bought me a guitar one year for my birthday. I spend hours working on my music and she does not mind. As long as I lend a hand with the baby once in a while my wife stays very supportive. Of course I need to do a few chores around the house as well. Also, as long as I buy her jewelry or let her buy new shoes when she wants, things will stay this good. (Question: Why do woman like shoes so much?

One thing I wish my wife would do is give me better constructive criticism on my music. When I ask her if something sounds good or not, I usually get a very generic answer like "That sounds good." or "That's OK" I have learned that when she says 'that's OK' she really means THAT SUCKS.
One cool thing is, sometimes when she hears some guitar playing during a movie or T.V. commercial she will say to me "You could play better than that"
I usually stay silent and don't comment, but I'm thinking 'yea sure, NOT!'
I think my guitar playing is about a 4 out of 10, she thinks it is a 9 of 10 (I'm sure she would reserve the perfect 10 of 10 to one of the many Guitar Gods such as Satriani or Van Halen). Of course she could just be stroking my ego to get more jewelry, women are very sneeky.

ORIGINAL: Cass Anawaty

One of the ironies I've always observed is that the thing that initially attracted them to you (the musician part) becomes what they despise

C'mon, folks. What's a good mixing session without being interrupted for a hug?
CAA

Actally this is a GRAND TRUTH of all opposite-attraction relationships: the shy one is attracted to the outgoing one, then resents that outgoingness, and vice-versa. This is because people who lack the ability to change something about themeselves ineveitably sek out others who have those qualities.....ahhhh but I digress from the topic at hand.....boy are there a lot of different experiences here.... but the truth is that we are all different, and if you guys think we are putting up with a lot, think of what these women have to put up with in regards to the male species.....

And I for one still think it is easy to understand women, and what we men have to do:

You've got to hold her
Don't squeeze her
Never leave her
You've got to hold her
And never
So you got to try a little tenderness
(Campbell/Courtney/Connelly)
Three Dog Night

All they want from us boys is for us to Love them and pay some attention now and then

Hi Jeff-

I wonder how the studio women in here would respond?

I didn't even want to at first, but I got sucked in somehow:

The "women are like that" argument seems very silly and anachronistic to me -- it should come as no surprise to hear that men are often "like that", too! I think we're only seeing a "why don't wives understand?" thread because the vast majority of posters here are male. Maybe better would be a "why doesn't my spouse understand?" thread, because I do think it's an interesting question, just not gender-specific. Believe me when I tell you that women don't have a monopoly on jealousy, possessiveness, or "what about me?"-itis!

Some people manage to be obsessed by what they most love to do (whether it's music or anything else) without making the people they love feel excluded, and some don't, or do only in certain relationships. I'm not saying this is what's going on with anyone here, but I know I sometimes used my intensity (or whatever you want to call it) about what I did as an excuse to distance myself from the guy I was with (not necessarily consciously) because I knew the relationship wasn't right.

I think as long as you share your enthusiasm about what you both do (and about each other) neither has to feel excluded or ignored. Your partner doesn't have to understand the technology or even the vernacular of what you do or vice versa. They just pick up on your enthusiasm and enjoy it with you. Heck, I was genuinely enthralled by descriptions of the latest tooth-filling advancements while I was dating a dentist! Granted that didn't last all that long<g>... But I've since been with a guy (going on 12 years now) who understands perfectly why I get excited about a new plugin or upgrade or song I'm working on.

I think if your partner knows who you really are from the beginning (you spend hours and hours alone or away from home practicing, recording, writing, reading, whatever, and you need to spend money on whatever it is that interests you) then it shouldn't be a big deal, as long as it doesn't have a negative impact on the family. I also realize that most men and women tend to put on a bit of a show while "courting", so of course they're disappointed when they don't turn out to be the Absolute Center of the Universe for their mate.

It's hard for everyone these days to maintain a balance, but can we please not make this about gender! It's 2004! If you keep saying bad things about women, I just know I'm gonna start to cry<g>!

-Susan

ORIGINAL: Cass Anawaty

One of the ironies I've always observed is that the thing that initially attracted them to you (the musician part) becomes what they despise

C'mon, folks. What's a good mixing session without being interrupted for a hug?
CAA
So true and frustrating....they love you because you're a creative "artist", and then they eventually leave you because of all the time you spend on your "art".
Been through this many times. Now I'm 41, single and lonely....but DAMN, I've gotten good at my "art"!
Be careful what you wish for.............

Susan G: Hah! What a great post! I think you raised a good point. The whole idea of my original post should have sounded less gender biassed...

Heck, I have all types of friends (male, female, imaginary) that have no idea about the motivation inside me to create, create, create... They look at my studio and see a bunch of stuff that makes noises (or removes noises) and most of them just shake their heads... 'You mean this excites you?' they ask.

Heh, does it ever! I think that is one of the curses of being born with that creat-a-holic type personality. I just can't seem to express to others the overabundance of joy it brings me to sit down with instrument in hand and start to create. I sometimes get so wrapped up in all of it, that everything else just seems to fade away. It really is the 'great escape'.

I guess I gotta find some more friends with similar personalities... But then, I am afraid that we'd all never see each other... My less-creative friends are helpful in keeping things a little more balanced for me though... they will sometimes drag me (kicking and screaming) away from my latest project, because they think I need to get out more often (or at least take a shower every now and then!).