Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So the deaf can enjoy them too.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. 

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. 

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. 

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. 

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. 

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

A father and his young son are visiting the zoo for the day.  As they passed the hippos, the boy looked up at his dad.  “What is that,” he asked.  “That’s a hippo,” Dad replied.  “And why is he in the water?”  “He’s in the water to keep him cool.”


A little farther along, they saw some goats.  “What’s that” asked the boy.  “Those are mountain goats” said the father.  “Why are they head-butting each other?”  “That’s how they decide who’s the boss.”


Nearing the end, they came to a pair of lions.  “What are they, daddy?”  “Son, those are lions” answered the father.  “Dad, why is that one licking the other one’s bum?”  “Son,” Dad replied, “he’s just eaten an Englishman and he’s trying to get the taste out of his mouth.”

If someone throws a rock and knocks you off your donkey, does that mean you are stoned off you’re a@#$s
 
Rick

Thanks Steve! 

<snort>

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' 

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' 

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' 

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' 

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. 

He paused for a moment and then started to leave. 

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' 

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!' 

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' 

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' 

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' 

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? 

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 

'I'm 90 years old,' he says. 

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 

'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?' 

OldGeezer

ORIGINAL: rsp@odyssey.net

Then there was the,

Insomniac, dyslexic, agnostic.

He laid awake nights, wondering if there really is a Dog.

Randy

I take great offence to that. My mom is a proud member of D.A.M. (Mothers Against Dyslexia).

I'm the president of D.A.M.A.D.D

Drunks Against Mothers Against Drunk Driving

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 

bapu


There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.

 
That's fpunny