SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 4:17 PM
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Electric Bobby: Did you start this thread to deliberately take the piss out of me Steve? Strammy: Nope, unintended
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Pete Stobbs
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 4:46 PM
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A man goes to the doctor, "Doctor, I feel like a Ten pound note" Doctor: "Go shopping, the change will do you good".
post edited by Pete Stobbs - September 14, 10 4:51 PM
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 4:50 PM
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No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 5:25 PM
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bapu No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. What?! Did you think for one minute that I wouldn't spot you using Arial font Eduardo
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 5:47 PM
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What's the definition or the word RIOT... Three dyslexics
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 5:49 PM
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The news casters would have a 'elluva time with that one. No pundit ended.
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 6:00 PM
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EastEnders is so unrealistic... Where are all the cockney Man Utd fans Sorry Mark
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 14, 10 6:33 PM
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Apparently, Sir Alex Ferguson had an 80's themed party for his players. Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes in a Sierra and Rooney chose to come in an Escort.
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LJB
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 16, 10 4:30 AM
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A lunatic escapes from an asylum and rapes several women in the local town. The next day the paper headline reads "Nut bolts and screws".
Ludwig Bouwer, One Big Room Studios. -------------------- Cakewalk with all the trimmings / Win 10Pro 64 / Intel i7-7700 / Asus Prime Z270k / 16GB DDR4 / RME HDSP9652 / RME UFX / Black Lion Audio ADA8000 / ART MPA & ART Pro Channel / Focusrite Voicemaster Pro / Aphex 107 Check out my work at www.onebigroom.co.za
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Bristol_Jonesey
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 16, 10 8:31 AM
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I was asked to go and see an ex-girlfriend yesterday. One thing led to another and we wended up having sex. The police weren't impressed as I was only meant to be identifying the body.
CbB, Platinum, 64 bit throughoutCustom built i7 3930, 32Gb RAM, 2 x 1Tb Internal HDD, 1 x 1TB system SSD (Win 7), 1 x 500Gb system SSD (Win 10), 2 x 1Tb External HDD's, Dual boot Win 7 & Win 10 64 Bit, Saffire Pro 26, ISA One, Adam P11A,
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
September 20, 10 3:45 PM
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Two men were sitting at a bar at the top of a skyscraper. Both were bending their elbows at a steady rate. The first man said, "You know, there's such an updraft on the outside of this building, that if you jump off, you'll fall for a bit, but the updraft will catch you, and bring you right back up to this balcony. The second guy said, "I don't believe it, you'll have to prove this to me." So the first guy goes over the balcony and jumps off. He falls and falls and falls, and then he slows in mid drop, and begins rising back up. Finally, he lightly steps back onto the balcony. "See, I told you," he says. The second guy says, "I've got to try that." So he jumps off the balcony, and falls and falls and falls and falls. Finally, splat on the ground. The first guy returns to the bar and orders another drink. As he serves the drink, the bartender says, "You're a mean drunk, Superman."
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
December 10, 10 8:10 PM
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THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME. THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA. IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE." THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE." THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO .. THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE." THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE!"
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
December 10, 10 8:50 PM
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bapu THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME. THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA. IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH . THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE." THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE." THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO .. THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE." THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE!"  Poor........... very poor indeed Eduapsi How many nuns can you fit on a barstool?
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
December 10, 10 8:53 PM
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Dunno. How many nuns can you fit on a barstool?
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
December 10, 10 8:57 PM
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bapu Dunno. How many nuns can you fit on a barstool? It depends........
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
December 10, 10 8:59 PM
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SteveStrummerUK bapu Dunno. How many nuns can you fit on a barstool? It depends........ On what, mate?
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SteveStrummerUK
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
December 29, 10 0:51 PM
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One day a little girl's mother was out, and her dad was in charge of her. She was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, her Mom came home. Her dad made her mom wait in the living room to watch her bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure enough, there she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and Mom watched him drink it up. Then the Mom said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 10, 11 1:08 PM
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Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
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Mooch4056
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 10, 11 1:26 PM
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Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.
From Now On Call Me Conquistador! Donate to the cure Bapu Foundation Email: mooch4056@gmail.com for more info
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space_cowboy
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 10, 11 3:23 PM
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Rene Descartes goes to Burger King. He orders a whopper. The person behind the counter asks "would you like fries with that?". Rene answers "I think not." He immediately disappears.
Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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Jonbouy
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 12, 11 6:42 PM
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space_cowboy Rene Descartes goes to Burger King. He orders a whopper. The person behind the counter asks "would you like fries with that?". Rene answers "I think not." He immediately disappears. Strange how that wouldn't have worked at all if you'd said Rene went to McDonalds.
"We can't do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles. In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves" - Banksy
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 15, 11 4:14 PM
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Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 15, 11 4:56 PM
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SteveStrummerUK Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle Best Crap Joke Ever!
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 15, 11 5:19 PM
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bapu SteveStrummerUK Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle Best Crap Joke Ever! Mooch: Hey stoopid Bapu where's that guitar I bought you for Christmas? Bapu: I threw it away Mooch: Why would you do such a dumb Bapu thing like that for? Bapu: It had a hole in the middle
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 15, 11 6:29 PM
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SteveStrummerUK bapu SteveStrummerUK Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle Best Crap Joke Ever! Mooch: Hey stoopid Bapu where's that guitar I bought you for Christmas? Bapu: I threw it away Mooch: Why would you do such a dumb Bapu thing like that for? Bapu: It had a hole in the middle The newest Bestest Crapest Jokest Everest.
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 15, 11 6:39 PM
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bapu SteveStrummerUK bapu SteveStrummerUK Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle Best Crap Joke Ever! Mooch: Hey stoopid Bapu where's that guitar I bought you for Christmas? Bapu: I threw it away Mooch: Why would you do such a dumb Bapu thing like that for? Bapu: It had a hole in the middle The newest Bestest Crapest Jokest Everest. There's more: http://forum.cakewalk.com/tm.aspx?m=2199761 No fun assembled
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DeeS
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 15, 11 8:11 PM
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Okay here's my literal crap joke. There's a Bear in the woods. A rabbit comes hopping by. The bear asks the rabbit "Does crap stick to your fur." The rabbit replies "No not at all." The bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.
Vista Business x64 Service pack 2 - Intel Xeon X5472 @ 3.0 GHz processors (2) Quad Core - 8.0 GB ram - Creative SB X-Fi - Nvidia Quadro 5600 - Sonar 8.5 & X1a Producer The problem with perfection is that it has no limits. Normally, once you obtain perfection, you realize how it could be better. David Gibson - The Art of Mixing
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Crg
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 17, 11 7:43 PM
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The Redneck went to the hospital. As his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, The Nurse says "Congratulations, Your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys." The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney." The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, The babies are all black."
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
January 17, 11 7:46 PM
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Crg The Redneck went to the hospital. As his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, The Nurse says "Congratulations, Your wife has had quints, 5 big baby boys." The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney." The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, The babies are all black."
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