AnsweredCrap Jokes anyone?

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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 4:17 PM (permalink)
 
Electric Bobby: Did you start this thread to deliberately take the piss out of me Steve?
 
Strammy: Nope, unintended

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Pete Stobbs
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 4:46 PM (permalink)
A man goes to the doctor, "Doctor, I feel like a Ten pound note"

Doctor: "Go shopping, the change will do you good".
post edited by Pete Stobbs - September 14, 10 4:51 PM
bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 4:50 PM (permalink)
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 
SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 5:25 PM (permalink)
bapu


No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 

 
 
What?!
 
Did you think for one minute that I wouldn't spot you using Arial font Eduardo

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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 5:47 PM (permalink)
 
What's the definition or the word RIOT...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Three dyslexics
 
 

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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 5:49 PM (permalink)
The news casters would have a 'elluva time with that one.




No pundit ended.

SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 6:00 PM (permalink)
 
EastEnders is so unrealistic...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Where are all the cockney Man Utd fans
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sorry Mark
 
 
 

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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 14, 10 6:33 PM (permalink)
 
Apparently, Sir Alex Ferguson had an 80's themed party for his players.
 
 
 
 
Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes in a Sierra and Rooney chose to come in an Escort.
 
 
 
 

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LJB
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 16, 10 4:30 AM (permalink)
A lunatic escapes from an asylum and rapes several women in the local town. The next day the paper headline reads "Nut bolts and screws".

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Bristol_Jonesey
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 16, 10 8:31 AM (permalink)
I was asked to go and see an ex-girlfriend yesterday.

One thing led to another and we wended up having sex.

The police weren't impressed as I was only meant to be identifying the body.

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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? September 20, 10 3:45 PM (permalink)
Two men were sitting at a bar at the top of a skyscraper. Both were bending their elbows at a steady rate.

The first man said, "You know, there's such an updraft on the outside of this building, that if you jump off, you'll fall for a bit, but the updraft will catch you, and bring you right back up to this balcony.
The second guy said, "I don't believe it, you'll have to prove this to me."
So the first guy goes over the balcony and jumps off. He falls and falls and falls, and then he slows in mid drop, and begins rising back up. Finally, he lightly steps back onto the balcony. "See, I told you," he says.
The second guy says, "I've got to try that." So he jumps off the balcony, and falls and falls and falls and falls. Finally, splat on the ground.
The first guy returns to the bar and orders another drink.
As he serves the drink, the bartender says, "You're a mean drunk, Superman."
bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? December 10, 10 8:10 PM (permalink)


 
 
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.  

 THREE  MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND.  BECAUSE  THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,  THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT  THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER  AREA.
 
IN A  VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY  SAID,

   
"I  THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO   UTAH  .  THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING  THERE." 
   
THEN  THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND  SAID,
 "I  WANT TO GO TO MONTANA  .  THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING  THERE." 
  
THE  THIRD GUY  SAID,


 
"I  WANT TO GO TO IDAHO ..  THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING  THERE."
 
THE  MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE  MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE  SAID,

   


"WHY  DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...  THERE AREN'T ANY  NUNS  THERE!"







SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? December 10, 10 8:50 PM (permalink)
bapu





 
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME.  

 THREE  MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND.  BECAUSE  THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW,  THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT  THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER  AREA.

IN A  VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY  SAID,

 
"I  THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO   UTAH  .  THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING  THERE." 
  
THEN  THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND  SAID,
"I  WANT TO GO TO MONTANA  .  THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING  THERE." 
 
THE  THIRD GUY  SAID,


"I  WANT TO GO TO IDAHO ..  THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING  THERE."

THE  MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE  MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE  SAID,

 


"WHY  DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...  THERE AREN'T ANY  NUNS  THERE!"



 
Poor........... very poor indeed Eduapsi
 
 
 
 
 
How many nuns can you fit on a barstool?
 
 
 
 
 

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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? December 10, 10 8:53 PM (permalink)




Dunno. How many nuns can you fit on a barstool? 
SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? December 10, 10 8:57 PM (permalink)
bapu


Dunno. How many nuns can you fit on a barstool? 

 
It depends........

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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? December 10, 10 8:59 PM (permalink)
SteveStrummerUK


bapu


Dunno. How many nuns can you fit on a barstool? 

 
It depends........

On what, mate?
SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? December 10, 10 9:13 PM (permalink)
bapu


SteveStrummerUK


bapu


Dunno. How many nuns can you fit on a barstool? 


It depends........
 
On what, mate?
 
On which way up it is
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You knew that
 
 
 

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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? December 29, 10 0:51 PM (permalink)
One day a little girl's mother was out, and her dad was in charge of her. 

She was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of her favorite toys. 

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, her Mom came home. 

Her dad made her mom wait in the living room to watch her bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'  Mom waited, and sure enough, there she came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and Mom watched him drink it up. 

Then the Mom said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"



bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 10, 11 1:08 PM (permalink)
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
Mooch4056
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 10, 11 1:26 PM (permalink)
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.

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space_cowboy
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 10, 11 3:23 PM (permalink)
Rene Descartes goes to Burger King.  He orders a whopper. The person behind the counter asks "would you like fries with that?".  Rene answers "I think not."  He immediately disappears.  

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Jonbouy
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 12, 11 6:42 PM (permalink)
space_cowboy


Rene Descartes goes to Burger King.  He orders a whopper. The person behind the counter asks "would you like fries with that?".  Rene answers "I think not."  He immediately disappears.  


Strange how that wouldn't have worked at all if you'd said Rene went to McDonalds.

"We can't do anything to change the world until capitalism crumbles.
In the meantime we should all go shopping to console ourselves" - Banksy
SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 15, 11 4:14 PM (permalink)
 
Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs
 
Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle

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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 15, 11 4:56 PM (permalink)
SteveStrummerUK


 
Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs
 
Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle

Best Crap Joke Ever!


SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 15, 11 5:19 PM (permalink)
bapu


SteveStrummerUK



Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs

Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle

Best Crap Joke Ever!

 
 
Mooch: Hey stoopid Bapu where's that guitar I bought you for Christmas?
 
Bapu: I threw it away
 
Mooch: Why would you do such a dumb Bapu thing like that for?
 
Bapu: It had a hole in the middle

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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 15, 11 6:29 PM (permalink)
SteveStrummerUK


bapu


SteveStrummerUK



Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs

Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle

Best Crap Joke Ever!

 
 
Mooch: Hey stoopid Bapu where's that guitar I bought you for Christmas?
 
Bapu: I threw it away
 
Mooch: Why would you do such a dumb Bapu thing like that for?
 
Bapu: It had a hole in the middle

The newest Bestest Crapest Jokest Everest.


SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 15, 11 6:39 PM (permalink)
bapu


SteveStrummerUK


bapu


SteveStrummerUK



Mooch: Hey stoopid head Bapu - it's raining cats and dogs

Bapsi: I know, I just trod in a poodle

Best Crap Joke Ever!



Mooch: Hey stoopid Bapu where's that guitar I bought you for Christmas?

Bapu: I threw it away

Mooch: Why would you do such a dumb Bapu thing like that for?

Bapu: It had a hole in the middle

The newest Bestest Crapest Jokest Everest.

 
 
There's more: http://forum.cakewalk.com/tm.aspx?m=2199761
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No fun assembled
 
 
 

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DeeS
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 15, 11 8:11 PM (permalink)
Okay here's my literal crap joke.
 
 
There's a Bear in the woods.
 
A rabbit comes hopping by.
 
The bear asks the rabbit  "Does crap stick to your fur."
 
The rabbit replies "No not at all."
 
The bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

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Crg
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 17, 11 7:43 PM (permalink)
The Redneck went to the hospital. As his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving, The Nurse says
"Congratulations, Your wife has had quints,
5 big baby boys."

The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised,
I have a penis on me like a chimney."

The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned,
The babies are all black."

Craig DuBuc
SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone? January 17, 11 7:46 PM (permalink)
Crg


The Redneck went to the hospital. As his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving, The Nurse says
"Congratulations, Your wife has had quints,
5 big baby boys."

The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised,
I have a penis on me like a chimney."

The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned,
The babies are all black."

 
 

 
 

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