craigb
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/06/18 12:39:30
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Those last two jokes were strange, but charming.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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MNorman
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/06/18 13:12:48
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I think we're all Bosons on this bus
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paulo
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/06/18 14:52:40
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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 210 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/06/18 15:41:22
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I slipped away from my wife's bed at the clinic for a quiet word with the doctor. I asked him, "how soon after the procedure will I be able to make love with my wife?"
He replied, "Do you know, that's the first time I've ever been asked that, in all the years I've worked at Dignitas."
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dmbaer
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/01 17:16:45
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If Heidi Fleiss married Don Ho, she'd be Heidi Ho. But then, she's already Heidi, Ho.
post edited by dmbaer - 2011/07/02 19:32:26
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space_cowboy
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/01 17:30:51
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MNorman
I think we're all Bosons on this bus
Come on squeeze the wheeze 
Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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space_cowboy
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/01 17:37:58
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Two electrons are sitting on a bench in the park. Another electron comes walking by and says:"Hi there, can I come sit with you?", to which the electrons reply:"Don't be ridiculous, we aren't Bosons
Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/01 17:41:30
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I'm actually quite proud of myself today.
I finally finished reading the fifth book in the "Learning to Count" trilogy.
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/01 17:43:59
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Emile Heskey (England) 59 caps, 7 goals. Rene Higuita (Colombia) 68 caps, 8 goals. Jose Luis Chilavert (Paraguay) 74 caps, 8 goals.  Unlucky Emile, the other two are goalkeepers...
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/01 17:50:46
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I see the Greek government are going to stop producing hummus and taramosalata....
So it really is a double dip recession.
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craigb
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/02 03:17:33
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SteveStrummerUK
I see the Greek government are going to stop producing hummus and taramosalata....
So it really is a double dip recession.
Good thing their Anarchists are well organized then!
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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ericyeoman
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 13:14:59
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What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A Babboom!
CuBase, Ableton, Steinberg UR-22 MKII, i7-4790K 4.00 Ghz, 32Gb Corsair Vengeance Pro RAM, Windows 10.
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 13:22:40
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ericyeoman
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A Babboom!
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Starise
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 13:30:28
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Older man in a retirement home keeps leaning over in his chair,at times to the left and at times to the right. The attendants there keep pushing him back upright every time he does it.....this goes on for awhile until one day the mans son comes for a visit and he asks his dad how things are going.
The old man replies," It would be great if they would just let me fart."
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Starise
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 13:34:40
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What has 8 legs and says," HOE DEE DOE HOE DEE DOE!!!!!!!!!!!".
Answer- 4 guys in Philadelphia trying to catch the bus.........
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Randy P
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 13:37:07
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Starise
What has 8 legs and says," HOE DEE DOE HOE DEE DOE!!!!!!!!!!!".
Answer- 4 guys in Philadelphia trying to catch the bus.........
I don't get this one. Explain please. Randy
http://www.soundclick.com/riprorenband
The music biz is a cruel and shallow money trench,a plastic hallway where thieves & pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. Hunter S. Thompson
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Starise
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 13:43:29
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They talk a certain way in Philadelphia. They are actually saying," Hold the door,hold the door!!!!!"
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Randy P
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 13:45:43
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Who is they? I've got friends there, and have visited many times. Never heard an accent.
http://www.soundclick.com/riprorenband
The music biz is a cruel and shallow money trench,a plastic hallway where thieves & pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side. Hunter S. Thompson
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Starise
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 14:05:38
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I guess they can't all be good jokes.....I tried. FWIW I heard this one from someone else and always though it was funny, but then my humour is a little different to put it mildly.
post edited by Starise - 2011/07/07 14:07:26
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sharpdion23
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 14:07:11
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A man on stage sitting on a stool and was playing this sweet sad song with his acoustic guitar. He starts to cry and the audience was thinking how emotional the man was and how much the song affected him. After the man finished he immediatly went to the hospital to get his As* stitched up because he was pricked by a nail that was on the stool when he was performing on stage!
Win7 pro 64bit*SonarX1 PE 64 bit* AMD Athlon(tm)64 X2 Dual Processor 6000+ 3.00 Ghz* 4GB Ram* 232GB HD* Cakewalk MA-15D* SPS-66 FireWire
Owner of Sonar 6 Studio* Sonar 7 PE * Sonar 8.0 PE * Sonar 8.5.3 PE * Sonar X1 PE *
Link to upload Screens: http://forum.cakewalk.com/tm.aspx?m=1592276 A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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Starise
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 14:11:41
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sharpdion23
A man on stage sitting on a stool and was playing this sweet sad song with his acoustic guitar. He starts to cry and the audience was thinking how emotional the man was and how much the song affected him. After the man finished he immediatly went to the hospital to get his As* stitched up because he was pricked by a nail that was on the stool when he was performing on stage!
Some one that can actually tell a good joke. That was funny thanks!
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sharpdion23
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 15:39:16
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Glad it was funny!
post edited by sharpdion23 - 2011/07/07 16:17:01
Win7 pro 64bit*SonarX1 PE 64 bit* AMD Athlon(tm)64 X2 Dual Processor 6000+ 3.00 Ghz* 4GB Ram* 232GB HD* Cakewalk MA-15D* SPS-66 FireWire
Owner of Sonar 6 Studio* Sonar 7 PE * Sonar 8.0 PE * Sonar 8.5.3 PE * Sonar X1 PE *
Link to upload Screens: http://forum.cakewalk.com/tm.aspx?m=1592276 A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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ericyeoman
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 15:40:55
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Some one that can actually tell a good joke But this is a crap jokes thread.
CuBase, Ableton, Steinberg UR-22 MKII, i7-4790K 4.00 Ghz, 32Gb Corsair Vengeance Pro RAM, Windows 10.
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sharpdion23
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 16:17:37
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It's crap enough for me! 
Win7 pro 64bit*SonarX1 PE 64 bit* AMD Athlon(tm)64 X2 Dual Processor 6000+ 3.00 Ghz* 4GB Ram* 232GB HD* Cakewalk MA-15D* SPS-66 FireWire
Owner of Sonar 6 Studio* Sonar 7 PE * Sonar 8.0 PE * Sonar 8.5.3 PE * Sonar X1 PE *
Link to upload Screens: http://forum.cakewalk.com/tm.aspx?m=1592276 A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 16:22:37
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When Michael Jackson died all his songs were played on the radio for months after.
I just hope Justin Bieber outlives me.
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UbiquitousBubba
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 16:37:05
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I hear you, Strummy. [shudder]
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/07 16:38:47
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I hear Thailand has its first female Prime Minister.
Altogether now...
Or has it?
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/11 13:16:44
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A woman was sipping a large glass of Chardonnay sitting on the patio with her husband.
She says "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"
Her husband asks "Is that you, or the wine talking?"
She replies "It's me........................... talking to the wine"
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ba_midi
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/11 13:20:12
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What do you get when you cross a Palestinian with an Israeli?
I don't know - but it ain't kosher.
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Mesh
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/11 13:24:08
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Good to see you again Billy.....(no joke)
Platinum Gaming DAW: AsRock Z77 Overclock FormulaI7 3770k @ 4.5GHz : 16GB RAM G.Skill Ripjaws X 250GB OS SSD : 3TB HDD : 1TB Sample HDDWin 10 Pro x 64 : NH-D14 CPU Cooler HIS IceQ 2GB HD 7870Focusrite Scarlett 2i4The_Forum_Monkeys
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