SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/11 13:32:47
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Mesh
Good to see you again Billy.....(no joke) 
+1 to that Billy, are you down here searching for some top advice from John T 
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ba_midi
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/11 15:09:40
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Mesh
Good to see you again Billy.....(no joke)
Thank you kindly, Mesh
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bapu
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/11 15:12:05
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SteveStrummerUK
Mesh
Good to see you again Billy.....(no joke)
+1 to that
Billy, are you down here searching for some top advice from John T
No, he's looking for the latest Bapuism. That's kinda like a religious ritual without the religion or the ritual. (or is it?)
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ba_midi
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ba_midi
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/11 15:14:59
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Mesh
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/14 14:38:13
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Platinum Gaming DAW: AsRock Z77 Overclock FormulaI7 3770k @ 4.5GHz : 16GB RAM G.Skill Ripjaws X 250GB OS SSD : 3TB HDD : 1TB Sample HDDWin 10 Pro x 64 : NH-D14 CPU Cooler HIS IceQ 2GB HD 7870Focusrite Scarlett 2i4The_Forum_Monkeys
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/14 15:22:58
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/14 15:30:59
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/14 15:47:16
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dappa1
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/15 07:17:24
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Fancy Dress party in the pub on the 23rd floor...One guy sits next to another and says "I bought these new shoes for the fancy dress, the sales assistant said I could work up and down walls in them, they're so comfortable.
"I can't believe it says the other guy, you will have to prove it to me".
The guy in his new shoes says "why dont we have a bet"?
Other guys says "ok"
Guy in shoes says "A pint"
He opens the window and proceeds on walking down the wall...
The other guy is amazed and buys him a drink...
The guy in the new shoes says here you try it and takes of his shoes and the other man puts them on, stands on the ledge and free falls to his death!
The bartender comes across and says to him "Spidey, I don't know who's worse you or superman".
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trimph1
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/15 08:04:58
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The space you have will always be exceeded in direct proportion to the amount of stuff you have...Thornton's Postulate. Bushpianos
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dappa1
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/19 04:47:59
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Where there's no crime...there's no America!
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ericyeoman
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/23 06:33:12
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Why didn't the killer whale have any friends ?
He was too socially orcaward.
CuBase, Ableton, Steinberg UR-22 MKII, i7-4790K 4.00 Ghz, 32Gb Corsair Vengeance Pro RAM, Windows 10.
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57Gregy
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/23 16:44:00
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What's the only Irish food item on McDonald's menu?
Filet O'Fish.
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dappa1
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/25 11:44:46
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Why didn't the chicken cross the road???...A lorry driver had him for breakfast
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space_cowboy
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/25 13:39:39
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Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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bapu
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/28 16:17:11
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A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replied. 'You just happened to catch my eye.'
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craigb
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/07/28 18:06:54
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bapu
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replied. 'You just happened to catch my eye.'
Now THAT'S a glass-ick!
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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bapu
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/08 19:58:02
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A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears:
You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what , Martha?
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I'm beginning to think you're f--king bad luck...'
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ampfixer
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/09 01:32:11
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PWF!
Regards, John I want to make it clear that I am an Eedjit. I have no direct, or indirect, knowledge of business, the music industry, forum threads or the meaning of life. I know about amps. WIN 10 Pro X64, I7-3770k 16 gigs, ASUS Z77 pro, AMD 7950 3 gig, Steinberg UR44, A-Pro 500, Sonar Platinum, KRK Rokit 6
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/09 03:07:37
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I went to a feminist picnic the other day...
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
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SteveStrummerUK
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/09 03:18:30
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I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff.
As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted "Whatever you do, don't look down".
So I started smiling.
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ericyeoman
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/14 12:43:33
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There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
CuBase, Ableton, Steinberg UR-22 MKII, i7-4790K 4.00 Ghz, 32Gb Corsair Vengeance Pro RAM, Windows 10.
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/14 13:12:50
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ericyeoman
There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
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space_cowboy
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/14 14:19:48
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What do you call someone from London?
I have a friend from London. I call him Dave.
Some people call me Maurice SPLAT Pro lifetime, ADK 6 core 3.6Ghz with 32 GB RAM, SSD 1TB system drive, 3 3TB regular drives for samples, recordings and misc. Behringer X Touch, UAD Apollo Quad. 2 UAD2 Quads PCI (i think - inside the box whatever that is), Console 1. More guitars (40??) and synths (hard and soft) than talent. Zendrum!!!
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SteveStrummerUK
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/15 17:14:16
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dmbaer
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RE: Crap Jokes anyone?
2011/09/15 17:44:17
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Q. What's the difference between Heaven and Hell?
A. In Heaven, bankers are Swiss, mechanics are German, cooks are French, police are British and lovers are Italian. In Hell, cooks are British, mechanics are French, police are German, lovers are Swiss and bankers are Italian.
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57Gregy
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2012/01/16 00:31:21
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Luke Skywalker was walking through the woods one day when a sudden urge to relieve himself came over him.
Then he heard the voice of his mentor, Obi Wan Kenobi;
"Luke, use the forest".
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craigb
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2012/01/16 04:13:09
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57Gregy
Luke Skywalker was walking through the woods one day when a sudden urge to relieve himself came over him.
Then he heard the voice of his mentor, Obi Wan Kenobi;
"Luke, use the forest".
That was a real pisser Greg.
Time for all of you to head over to Beyond My DAW!
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paulo
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Re:Crap Jokes anyone?
2012/01/16 14:28:36
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SteveStrummerUK
I went to a feminist picnic the other day...
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
I once had a date with an anorexic girl from the office after she came up to me and whispered in my ear "meet me in the park on Saturday lunchtime". I wouldn't say it went badly, but it was certainly no picnic !
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